Funny robo

  A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying. He walks over to her and asks what's wrong. "I've never been hugged before" she says. Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her. She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before." The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss. She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem. "I've never been fucked before" she says. So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked."

  A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No s*x on the beach! Get back to work!" The husband yells back, "We're not having s*x!" Later, the stranger yells out to them again. Again, the husband yells back and corrects him. This happens several times during the stranger's shift. Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower. His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach. The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"

  A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator." Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?" "And so, here we are!"

  He tell the bartender, "I bet you a $100 bar tab I can jump off that balcony and be totally fine!" "Sure, whatever," says the bartender. The man gets a running start and leaps off the balcony. A few minutes later he comes running back into the bar soaking wet and laughing. "The hotel pool is under that balcony," he laughs. "You owe me $100 in drinks!" A week later, the same guy comes into the bar and tells the bartender the exact same thing. "I bet you a $100 bar tab I can jump off that balcony and be totally fine!" "Sure, whatever," says the bartender. The man gets a running start and leaps off the balcony. Another man sitting at the bar turns to the bartender. "Hey," he says, "Don't you remember that guy from last week? I can't believe you fell for that trick again!" The bartender says, "And I can't believe that guy didn't notice they've drained the pool for cleaning."

  A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear. The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!" The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."

  Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."